Notes:
Sermon 96: On Obedience to Parents
There is no record of Wesley’s having preached from Col. 3:20 in public. But his series of sermonic essays on ‘family religion’ required something about ‘obedience to parents’, and Wesley provided it in this sermon in the September and October issues of the Arminian Magazine (1784), VII.457-64, 514-18—a year’s interval after No. 94. There was no title and no indication of its date or occasion of writing, but it was numbered ‘Sermon XXIII’. Its present title was supplied when he included it, in sequence, in SOSO, VIII.29-48. It was not printed elsewhere in his lifetime.
It is worth noting that besides his abundant offerings of practical wisdom he also finds an opportunity to discuss certain larger speculative issues (e.g., the presence or absence of innate moral ideas in children, and the relation between the personal will of a reigning king and the binding laws of his kingdom—‘the will of the king is not a law for the subject’). Thus, we have still another instance of Wesley’s range of interests and his unfaltering impulse to combine current theoretical questions with perennial practical problems, even if in simplified forms that served his aims of effective communication.
On Obedience to ParentsColossians 3:20
Children, obey your parents in all things.
11. It has been a subject of controversy for many years, whether there are any innate principles in the mind of man.
A long disputed question between the philosophical idealists (Malebranche, the Cambridge Platonists, John Norris, et al.) and the empiricists (pre-eminently John Locke). In his ‘Remarks’ on Locke’s Essay on Human Understanding (in AM, Vols. V, VI, VII) Wesley professes to have been convinced by Locke’s arguments that there are no such innate principles. But it turns out that this applies to empirical objects and processes only, and not to our powers of transempirical intuition. Reverence for parents is, therefore, regarded here as such an intuition. See also No. 69, ‘The Imperfection of Human Knowledge’, I.4 and n.
See also, below, I.4; and cf. Wesley’s letter to Mary Smith, Nov. 20, 1789. Also Bishop Ezekiel Hopkins, Exposition on the Ten Commandments, which Wesley extracted and published in 1759 (see Bibliog, No. 234), and John Flavell, Husbandry Spiritualized (1669), which Wesley published in the Christian Lib., XLIV.5-192.
Cf. Rom. 2:14-15; see also No. 10, ‘The Witness of the Spirit, I’, I.12 and n.
22. And wherever God has revealed his will to man this law has been a part of that revelation. It has been herein opened afresh, considerably enlarged, and enforced in the strongest manner. In the Jewish revelation the notorious breakers thereof were punishable with death. And this was one of the laws which our blessed Lord did not come to destroy, but to fulfil.
Matt. 5:17.
See Matt. 15:3-6; Mark 7:9-13; it is the specific command, ‘Honour thy father and mother,’ that is in question.
Chap. 6, ver. 1.
Col. 3:20.
33. It is observable that the Apostle enforces this duty by a threefold encouragement. First, to the Ephesians he adds: ‘For this is right’
Eph. 6:1.
Cf. Eph. 5:10.
Heb. 12:9.
Eph. 6:2.
Eph. 6:3.
Exod. 20:12; cf. Eph. 6:3.
But what is the meaning of these words, ‘Children, obey your parents in all things’? I will endeavour by the assistance of God, first, to explain, and then to apply them.
11I. 1. First, I will endeavour to explain these words; and the rather because so few people seem to understand them. Look round into the world—not the heathen, but the Christian world; nay, the reformed part of it. Look among those that have the Scriptures in their own tongue: and who is there that appears even to have heard of this? Here and there a child obeys the parent out of fear, or perhaps out of natural affection. But how many children can you find that obey their fathers and mothers out of a sense of duty to God? And how many parents can you find that duly inculcate this duty upon their children? I doubt, a vast majority both of parents and children are totally ignorant of the whole affair. For the sake of these I will make it as plain as I can: but still I am thoroughly sensible, those that are not willing to be convinced will no more understand what I say than if I was talking Greek or Hebrew.
22. You will easily observe that by ‘parents’ the Apostle means both fathers and mothers, as he refers us to the fifth commandment, which names both the one and the other. And however human laws may vary herein, the law of God makes no difference; but lays us under the same obligation of obeying both the one and the other.
03:36433. But before we consider how we are to obey our parents it may be inquired how long we are to obey them. Are children to obey only till they run alone? Till they go to school? Till they can read and write? Or till they are as tall as their parents? Or, attain to years of discretion? Nay, if they obey only because they cannot help it, only because they fear to be beaten, or because otherwise they cannot procure food and raiment, what avails such obedience? Those only who obey their parents when they can live without them, and when they neither hope nor fear anything from them, shall have praise from God.
44. ‘But is a man that is at age, or a woman that is married, under any farther obligation to obey their parents?’ With regard to marriage, although it is true that a man is to leave father and mother and cleave unto his wife;
See Matt 19:5.
For the obsolete usage without the article see OED, ‘place’, 9, 13.b, and 27.c.
And yet, in Dec. 1734, Wesley had firmly rejected his father’s importunate request that he apply for the Epworth living so as to provide much needed support for his aged parents and sisters. How close to ‘disobedience’ had this been?
In SOSO (1788), VIII.35, this reads ‘leading-strings’. But see James Hervey, Theron and Aspasio, I.530: ‘In this respect, Theron, men are but children of larger growth. We may leave the vest or hanging-sleeve coat but we shall still find the follies of the child.’ OED definition (dated from 1659, 1683, and 1742): ‘a loose open sleeve hanging from the arm’, by which small children are held from falling.
55. But what is implied in ‘Children, obey your parents in all things’? Certainly the first point of obedience is to do nothing which your father or mother forbids, whether it be great or small. Nothing is more plain than that the prohibition of a parent binds every conscientious child; that is, except the thing prohibited is clearly enjoined of God. Nor indeed is this all: the matter may be 03:365carried a little farther still. A tender parent may totally disapprove what he does not care flatly to forbid. What is the duty of a child in this case? How far is that disapprobation to be regarded? Whether it be equivalent to a prohibition or not, a person who would have a conscience void of offence
Acts 24:16.
A much earlier instance of this phrase than the citation in the Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs.
1 Cor. 12:31.
66. The second thing implied in this direction is: do everything which your father or mother bids, be it great or small, provided it be not contrary to any command of God.
See Acts 5:29; cf. No. 81, ‘In What Sense we are to Leave the World’, §6.
A basic constitutional thesis; cf. JWJ, June 1, 1777, ‘The will of the king does not bind any English subject, unless it is seconded by an express law.’ See also the letter to his brother Charles, June 8, 1780. This aphorism was a distillate of at least one great tradition of English law; it may be inferred from the Magna Charta, from Sir John Fortescue’s proposed limitations on regal power after the death of Elizabeth I (1603), and from Sir Edward Coke’s Institutes, III. It is an equally licit inference from Richard Hooker, Laws of Ecclesiastical Polity, I.i, VIII.ii; and from Offspring Blackall, Works, II.849. Back of all this would have been the pervasive influence of Juan de Marianna’s famous De rege et regis institutione (Toledo, 1599); there are more than two hundred references to Marianna’s thesis on the limitations of regal power in the English and Scottish debates of the seventeenth century on divine right and the right and wrongs of tyrannicide. On the other side, cf. Sir John Suckling, The Sad One; A Tragedy (1659), Act III, sc. 5; Jeremy Taylor, Ductor Dubitantium, III.iii (Rule II, §§2-18: Princeps legibus solutus est, ‘the prince is not bound by the laws’), and William Saywell, Evangelical and Catholick Unity… (1682), p. 113.
Something very close to Wesley’s exact words may be found in a tract of 1680 entitled, English Liberties: Or, the Free-Born Subject’s Inheritance, attributed in some catalogues (e.g., McAlpin) to one ‘Henry Care’ but identified by Winthrop Hudson, as more probably from William Penn himself; cf. Hudson, ‘William Penn’s English Liberties: A Tract for Several Times’, in William & Mary Quarterly (1969), XXVI.578-85.
77. It is with admirable wisdom that the Father of spirits has 03:366given this direction, that as the strength of the parents supplies the want of strength, and the understanding of the parents the want of understanding, in their children, till they have strength and understanding of their own, so the will of the parents should guide that of their children, till they have wisdom and experience to guide themselves. This therefore is the very first thing which children have to learn: that they are to obey their parents, to submit to their will in all things. And this they may be inured to
Johnson, Dictionary, first usage: ‘to habituate; to make ready and willing by practice and custom…’.
Cf. Eph. 6:4; in his Notes Wesley adds, ‘…both in Christian knowledge and practice’.
Matt. 7:21; 12:50; 18:14.
88. But how few children do we find, even of six or eight years old, that understand anything of this? Indeed how should they understand it, seeing they have none to teach them? Are not their parents, father as well as mother, full as ignorant of the matter as themselves? Whom do you find, even among religious people, that have the least conception of it? Have not you seen the proof of it with your own eyes! Have not you been present when a father or mother has said, ‘My child, do so or so’? The child, without any ceremony, answered peremptorily, ‘I won’t.’ And the parent quietly passes it by, without any further notice. And does he or she not see that by this cruel indulgence they are training up their child, by flat rebellion against their parents, to rebellion against God? Consequently they are training him up for the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels!
Matt. 25:41.
99. Let me reason this case a little farther with you parents that fear God. If you do fear God, how dare you suffer a child above a year old to say, ‘I will do what you forbid;’ or, ‘I won’t do what you bid,’ and to go unpunished? Why do not you stop him at once, that he may never dare to say so again? Have you no bowels, no compassion for your child? No regard for his salvation or destruction? Would you suffer him to curse or swear in your presence, and take no notice of it? Why, disobedience is as certain a way to damnation as cursing and swearing. Stop him, stop him at first, in the name of God. Do not ‘spare the rod, and spoil the child’.
A proverb derived from Prov. 13:24, phrased by Samuel Butler, Hudibras, II.i.843-44:
See Ps. 22:21.
See No. 95, ‘On the Education of Children’, §15.
1010. I cannot tell how to enforce this point sufficiently. To fix it upon your minds more strongly, permit me to add part of a letter on the subject, printed some years ago:
“In order to form the minds of children, the first thing to be done is to conquer their will. To inform their understanding is a work of time, and must proceed by slow degrees; but the subjecting the will is a thing which must be done at once—and the sooner the better. For by our neglecting timely correction they contract a stubbornness which is hardly ever to be conquered, and never without using that severity which would be as painful to us as to the children. Therefore I call those cruel parents who pass for kind and indulgent, who permit their children to contract habits which they know must be afterwards broken.
I insist upon conquering the wills of children betimes, because this is the only foundation for a religious education. When this is thoroughly done, then a child is capable of being governed by the reason of its parent, till its own understanding comes to maturity.
I cannot yet dismiss this subject. As self-will is the root of all sin and misery, so whatever cherishes this in children ensures their after-wretchedness and irreligion; and whatever checks and mortifies it promotes their future happiness and piety. This is still more evident if we consider that religion is nothing else but the doing the will of God, and not our own; and that self-will being the grand impediment to our temporal and eternal happiness, no indulgence of it can be 03:368trivial; no denial of it unprofitable. Heaven or hell depends on this alone. So that the parent who studies to subdue it in his children works together with God in the saving of a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body, for ever!
This therefore I cannot but earnestly repeat, break their wills betimes. Begin this great work before they can run alone, before they can speak plain, or perhaps speak at all. Whatever pains it cost, conquer their stubbornness: break the will, if you would not damn the child. I conjure you not to neglect, not to delay this! Therefore, (1), let a child from a year old be taught to fear the rod and to cry softly. In order to this, (2), let him have nothing he cries for, absolutely nothing, great or small; else you undo your own work. (3). At all events, from that age, make him do as he is bid, if you whip him ten times running to effect it let none persuade you it is cruelty to do this; it is cruelty not to do it. Break his will now, and his soul will live, and he will probably bless you to all eternity.
From a letter written by his mother already abridged and printed in JWJ, Aug. 1, 1742. However, the last paragraph of the present quotation is not included in the Journal extract, which suggests that Wesley had preserved the original text for some five decades.
1111. On the contrary, how dreadful are the consequences of that accursed kindness which gives children their own wills, and does not bow down their necks from their infancy. It is chiefly owing to this that so many religious parents bring up children that have no religion at all; children that when they are grown up have no regard for them; perhaps set them at naught, and are ready to pick out their eyes!
Oxford Dictionary of English Proverbs: ‘He hath brought up a bird to pick [peck] out his own eyes.’
See Richard Baxter, ‘our senses are the inlets of sin’, in The Saints’ Everlasting Rest, Pt. I, ch. VII, sect. xvi. 8 (Works, III.58). See also Francis Atterbury, Sermons (1708), p. 310: ‘our senses are the greatest inlets of temptation.’
1II. 1. This may suffice for the explication of the text: I proceed to the application of it. And permit me first to apply to you that are parents, and as such concerned to teach your children. Do you know these things yourselves? Are you thoroughly convinced of these important truths? Have you laid them to heart? And have you put them in practice with regard to your own children? Have you inured them to discipline before they were capable of 03:369instruction? Have you broken their wills from their earliest infancy? And do you still continue so to do, in opposition both to nature and custom? Did you explain to them, as soon as their understanding began to open, the reasons of your proceeding thus? Did you point out to them the will of God as the sole law of every intelligent creature? And show them it is the will of God that they should obey you in all things? Do you inculcate this over and over again till they perfectly comprehend it? O never be weary of this labour of love; and your labour will not always be in vain.
See No. 65, ‘The Duty of Reproving our Neighbour’, I.3 and n.
22. At least do not teach them to disobey by rewarding them for disobedience. Remember! This you do every time you give them anything because they cry for it. And herein they are apt scholars: if you reward them for crying they will certainly cry again. So that there is no end, unless you make it a sacred rule to give them nothing which they cry for. And the shortest way to do this is, never suffer them to cry aloud. Train them up to obedience in this one instance, and you will easily bring them to obey in others. Why should you not begin today? Surely you see what is the most excellent way; best for your child, and best for your own soul. Why then do you disobey? Because you are a coward; because you want resolution. And doubtless it requires no small resolution to begin and persist herein. It certainly requires no small patience, more than nature ever gave. But the grace of God is sufficient for you;
See 2 Cor. 12:9.
See Phil. 4:13.
See Isa. 28:10.
See Jas. 1:4.
33. But there is another hindrance that is full as hard to be conquered as either laziness or cowardice. It is called fondness, and is usually mistaken for love: but Oh, how widely different from it! It is real hate; and hate of the most mischievous kind, tending to destroy both body and soul in hell! O give not way to it any longer, no not for a moment. Fight against it with your might! For the love of God; for the love of your children; for the love of your own soul!
03:37044. I have one word more to say to parents—to mothers in particular. If, in spite of all the Apostle can say, you encourage your children by your example to ‘adorn’ themselves ‘with gold, or pearls, or costly apparel’,
Cf. 1 Tim. 2:9.
See Rev. 9:11; 20:1; cf. No. 32, ‘Sermon on the Mount, XII’, I.7 and n.
55. I cannot dismiss this subject yet.
Notice this repetition of his mother’s rhetorical device (in I.10, above).
Cf. 1 Sam. 2:24; and No. 95, ‘On the Education of Children’, §1.
66. Permit me now to apply myself to you, children; particularly you that are the children of religious parents. Indeed if you have no fear of God before your eyes,
See Rom. 3:18.
77. Deal faithfully with your own souls. Is your conscience now clear in this matter? Do you do nothing which you know to be contrary to the will either of your father or mother? Do you never do anything (though ever so much inclined to it) which he or she forbids? Do you abstain from everything which they dislike, as far as you can in conscience? On the other hand, are you careful to do whatever a parent bids? Do you study and contrive how to please them? To make their lives as easy and pleasant as you can? Whoever you are that add this to your general care to please God in all things, blessed art thou of the Lord! ‘Thy days shall be long in the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.’
Cf. Exod. 20:12.
88. But as for you who are little concerned about this matter, who do not make it a point of conscience to obey your parents in all things, but sometimes obey them, as it happens, and sometimes not; who frequently do what they forbid or disapprove, and neglect what they bid you do—suppose you awake out of sleep, that you begin to feel yourself a sinner, and begin to cry to God for mercy, is it any wonder that you find no answer while you are under the guilt of unrepented sin? How can you expect mercy 03:372from God till you obey your parents? But suppose you have, by an uncommon miracle of mercy, tasted of the pardoning love of God, can it be expected, although you hunger and thirst after righteousness,
Matt. 5:6.
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Entry Title: Sermon 96: On Obedience to Parents